“We are not truly free if we have to remain busy in order to numb the underlying hurt in our hearts.

The busyness of life had to slow down, and it was time to enter into a season of grief before I could truly dance again.

It was time to rip off the band-aid that was sustaining me and let the breath of God heal my broken heart.

My emotions surfaced.

My plate of responsibilities was so heavy and intense, I had to drop some things.

And I became the ugliest broken mess I had ever seen.

I even shocked me.

It’s crazy what we can become when we’re hurting . . . mostly when we allow ourselves to feel our hurt.

Big difference.

At the point of my honest look into my broken heart, our divorce was already final and we had been apart for close to a year. You would think the healing process was already in full swing or maybe done, but really, that’s when it began. That was when the real, raw emotions fully surfaced. The ‘busy’ was what propelled me forward in many ways, but the truth of my broken heart and the realities of my new life could not keep up with that kind of momentum. Something had to give. I couldn’t keep that pace because that pace was not established on wholeness and health. It was established on an urgency to protect myself and my children. Once we hit a different stage in our family life, it was time to look at my heart head on.

…I got complete freedom and wholeness as I relented to the process of grieving.

…I used my feelings to go deeper with Jesus, and He touched each and every one of the broken places of my heart.

It was a process that took a lot of time. Honestly, it took a lot longer than I wanted, and even after I thought the flashes of past scenes and dips of depression were done and gone, something would ‘trigger’ that deep pain and I needed to invite Jesus to go deeper.

And He did. Each time He did, the memories that would once trigger a strong emotion out of me became less and less.

My memories are no longer attached to incredible pain, but attached to the grace, love and healing touch of Jesus. My heart and my mind are at peace.

I did not pray my feelings away. I couldn’t.

I could not talk my way out of what I was feeling. My feelings were real.

I did not live in denial with any of my emotions.

I was honest with my hurt.

I felt extreme depression and anger.

…Putting my emotions in their proper place (with Jesus), and then making a conscious choice to get back up (believing He would meet me there) is what launched me into my freedom…

I believe God wants to take each of us on a personal, healing journey.

The key to our healing is allowing God to be our lead.” —Life is Muddy (book)

Our God is so good! He fully heals. Trust Him with everything that’s weighing on your broken heart and run to Him. 🤍, J